My Maid Quit!

Just like that! No warning signs at all. One day she seemed fine and then yesterday she just coolly informed me that she would like to leave and go back to India after 1 or 2 months. No reason given. My head reeled thinking of the consequences and I actually held on to the sofa for support while she was talking. I quit my job because I could rely on her to look after baby Kiara and now this after not even a year. She joined us when baby was 3 months old and took great care of her, but lately she just didn't seem to be there, housework was neglected etc. We were the kindest maid employers...no honestly we would score number one in terms of kindness is there was a survey of maid employers conducted. We threw in a lot of presents, bonuses, free time, entertainment, took her out to restaurants with us, shopping ...what did I do wrong? "It's because we were too nice" said my husband matter of factly. Now this may be hard to believe but never did I tell her what to do, not one day did I give her chores, I just told her see what needs to be done and do it. And she was good and I didn't bother to interfere. But what worries me most is that is is impossible to live on one salary where we live. Which is why I left my brilliant career but still took on some part time work. Now no more part time work as I can't afford to spend on the procedure to bring another maid. "Make her pay all the visa expenses" said a friend. I knew that just wasn't in my heart though, if she wants to leave let her. We will find a way to get through the financial consequences. I am happy that we had her when my baby was small and we needed her more. Now she is a bigger girl and we can manage, we must. I woke up this morning promising myself to face the world with courage. A career woman converted into a housewife. I have to learn to pull it off with a smile!

Superstition

India is a mysterious and beautiful country. And it is also one that hoardes a lot of superstition. I've been raised in a fairly liberal family and we were expatriates when I was younger so it is not that bad but it still exists. One of the strange baby gifts I received was a black kajal pencil (eyeliner). "Oh how nice" I expressed to the present bearer. "At least somone thought ot get me something instead of the baby." "This is for the baby" she said. "To ward off the Evil Eye". I nearly spat out the water I was drinking and tried not to laugh. Of course it was all forgotten till we went to a party when baby was 3 months old and a lady would just not take her eyes off her. I thought it was quite flattering, but once we were home she cried non-stop for 3 hours. My Mom said it was the effect of the lady looking at her too much. Ok just to clarify to those of you who have neevr heard of this before. The Evil eye is supposed to take affect when a person longingly (or jealously) looks at something that they cannot have (or is not theirs) and this affects the object in question. It is not restricted to babies. OK so in theory if you looked at your neighbour's Mercedes and longed for it, something bad would happen to the car (hee hee to have a power like that!). Well with babies they could cry, go off their food and a million other things. So you put a black mark on their face or tie beads around their hand to distract the evil eye. Makes Sense? It didn't to me. "But she is collicky" I insisted to my mother at that time. "You don't believe in these things but they do exist" she said. Still Mom is very open minded. When I took baby back to India for the first time it was quite simply weird. "Tie a black thread around her waist" said one. "She has so much hair, she will need a black mark on her face " said another. "No flower clips in her hair it draws too much attention" said my grandmom. "Tie a plastic bag aroung her feeding bottle so that no one can see how much milk she is drinking" said my Grandaunt. Huh? Were these the same adults who brought me up so practically saying these things? At some point baby did go off her food and I had to hear about how children should not be fed in public. I however refuse to make my baby look ugly (I have seen some truly scary looking babies with Kajal smudged all over the face) to appease the evil eye. Although I must admit I did use the little beads around her hands for a while. They looked very fashionable and also, just in case....

Love and Peace,

Indian Baby Juice....er Cow's Milk!

Has any Mom heard anything about cow's milk and your baby. I'll bet you have! The problem is that what we've all heard is different. My darling daughter (one week to one year) is a lively, curious well basically normal child. My only concern is that she is as skinny as a rake. Doctor told me not to worry if she is weighing enough on the growth chart, which she is (Born at 2.68 kgs and now weighing 9.2 kgs). Plus she is quite tall. But you don't understand....I am from India where babies are meant to be fat. Where the only duty of motherhood is to run after them 24/7 trying to get them to eat. So that their cheeks must hang till their shoulders. Now I'm not generalising but this is mostly the case and I have nothing against fat babies. I was however tired of being asked if she wasn't eating, accusatory glances from other Indian Moms who knew me...etc etc. So I tried to look at her from their point of view and then I started panicking about how she might not be growing normally etc.etc. So I tried to feed her more and she immediately picked up on my tension around food and went off it altogether, to the point where she would scream even to sit in her high chair. This wasn't going how I had planned, so to make matters worse I took the suggestion of a well meaning Indian friend who asked me to give her cow's milk mixed with something. I was sure that I had read that children under 2 years should not be given cow's milk. "Nonsense" she said. "I've given my children cow's milk from 8 months". So I gave it a try (I know...I know .. I couldn't help it). Coincidentially she got diarheaa and had to be taken to the doctor to whom I sheepishly admitted about the cow's milk and he promptly said,"No cow's milk before the age of 2. And it does not help them put on weight, you have a normal child". (Sigh) I was only being a worried neurotic Mom of course. So no more cow's milk and dd is still adorable and skinny looking.
But seriously, coming back to the cow's milk got me thinking about all the Indian Moms I know who give it to their children. I remember my grandmother telling me about bringing goat's milk for her babies. And I'm sure where I come from there was no formula milk until maybe 25 years ago. So what option did people have before that? I stopped breastfeeding at 4 months as my milk supply stopped. 50 years ago what would I have done? Started solids? I think cow's milk would have been the most affordable and easy option. And I'm sure that is what everyone did. And I refure to believe that generations of people suffered extensive damage to their systems because of that. So what is the real deal with cow's milk then?
Let me known if you have any thoughts. I'm not dedicating any more brain cells to that matter. I am just practising being comfortable with my baby's weight and letting all the snide comments pass me by.

Love and Peace,

Life is like a Box of Chocolates

Remember that saying from the movie Forrest Gump, " Life is like a Box of Chocolates, you never know what you are going to get". Wise man Mr. Gump. So I look at my almost year old daughter and see her ever developing personality. And I try to rid my mind of all the expectations I had before she was born. That she would look like me.. wrong she came out looking just like her Dad. That she would be an Angel baby like my Mom said I used to be... wrong again she was collicky and wanted to be fussed over a lot. That she would be social and love people...wrong she still won't even allow my parents to hold her. I mean, you can see where this is going. "Love the child you have rather than the child you wanted", words of wisdom from one of the many parenting books strewn in my hall. But I so want her to be even just a little bitty bit like me. I scared the poor thing when she was a baby by pulling out my guitar and strumming tunelessly on it cause I'd heard that music sharpens the mind. I had hard board books from before she was born and I'd dance and sing like a 24 hour entertainer whenever I got the chance. I wanted her to share my love for music, singins, nature, swimming...I'm not picky even one would do. At the same time I don't want to be the one that suppresses my child's desire to be a footballer because I think art suits her better. It is hard for me as a parent to accept that she is her own being, with gifts that even she hasn't discovered, maybe with talents of a long fogotten ancestor and with every right to be who she wants to be. And I think of my parents, my well meaning father who pointed out to the medical college whenever we passed it from when I was 3 years old and asked me what it was. I guess he hoped I would be a doctor. My well meaning mother who sent me to every possible class when I was five years old. Of course I always did stick to the music because I was inclined towards it. But I do not want to project myself on my daughter. I am trying hard to lie back and watch this new flower never been seen in the world before unfold itself before me. And I want to support her in whatever passions she chooses in her life.

Life is indeed like a Box of Chocolates, you never know what you are going to get. But whatever the flavour is, be ready to embrace it with all your heart!

Love and Peace,

The Journey - The First Blog

Someone once told me that women have two lives; one before they are married and one after. I however would like to change that to one before they have children and one after. A couple of years ago I had my life to live as I choose. Happily married, soaring career, great social life, money that stagnated in my bank account and then we decided to have a baby. I never imagined making the decision so easily but when life gets too happy and predictable most human beings find a way to stir things up on their own. So not to elaborate too much but we started giving it a go if you know what I mean. And I came to realise that the pregnancy test companies must make a fortune on women trying to have babies for the first time..I easily took one (or two) everyday. And then quite easily I struck gold. Ah....those two magic lines. I clutched the test and danced around thinking of ways to break the news to my husband, but of course I just blurted it out when I saw him. We were over the moon and spilling the beans to anyone who would listen.

Unfortunately my pregnancy was diagnosed as anembryonic ( I had never heard of this before) into my third month. I changed doctors, researched and tried desperately to hold on to any glimmer of hope that my first doctor was wrong. But she wasn't and I miscarried and had to have a DNC. I mourned that loss as if I had actually held that baby and knew it. My heart went out to every mother that had ever lost a child by miscarriage, a grown up child or any other circumstance. If you can love one that never was how much can you love one that you have seen? My husband insisted that the only way to get over the loss quickly would be to try again. Much to my resistance he convinced me and I conceived the next month. This time I made sure I didn't say a word to anyone too soon. I still had people who didn't know about what had happened asking me how the pregnancy (previous one) was going.

My pregnancy was uneventful except for a mysterious rash that crept up on me one night and had me itching like a flea bitten mongrel. I didn't even have much morning sickness. My mother came to be with me as I was nearing term. Nature took it's course and I delivered a baby girl on the 29th of April 2006 who we named Kiara (it means African princess). And now 9 days before her first birthday I am writing this blog. A blog that I have been planning to write for a long time but just never got down to writing. A story of this first time Mom who is still finding her way. It is by no means an exceptional story. But it is meant to connect with all those exceptional Moms around the world who find themselves in similar circumstances. Just so that you know that we may be ordinary but the work we do to shape our children the generation of the future is extraordinary and crucial so don't let anyone take that for granted. The hand that rocks the cradle definitely rules the world. My daily rollercoaster is one that keeps moving up and down but once you are on there are no dull moments!

P.S. - This is my first attempt at blogging and I'm already loving being a blogger!

Love and Peace,